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Now, if premise number one is true, that no sane person desires conflict. (You might want to be sitting down as you read this.) Then let us establish our second premise.

Our second premise is this: since we all know we have the power to choose; since we all have a free will; since we all have had conflict in our lives; and since we all did at least something to choose the conflict; then we are "all" insane!

Ouch! You don't like the sound of that either?

Well, thanks to Merriam-Webster's dictionary, we can shed a little light on what "insane" actually means. They have a list of synonyms. Synonyms are words that are similar in meaning.

Here is the complete list: bananas, batty, bedlamite, bonkers, brainsick, buggy, bughouse, bugs, crackbrained, cracked, crackers, cracky, cranky, crazed, crazy, cuckoo, daffy, daft, demented, deranged, disordered, distraught, fruity, loco, looney, lunatic, mad, maniac, mental, mindless, non compos mentis, nuts, nutsy, nutty, reasonless, screwy, teched, unbalanced, unsane, unsound, wacky, witless, and last but not the least ...just plain old wrong!

Now be honest. The last time you were in a conflict in your marriage, which one of those items on the list was your affliction? Were you wacky? Were you witless? Were you mad? Perhaps like me, you scored a perfect 100 on all of the above. Perhaps you would at least be willing to admit that you were just plain wrong!

You understand; at least, would you be willing to admit there is the outside chance you did something that was wrong the last time your marriage was in conflict? Perhaps you are not even sure what it is you did wrong. All you knew is that all of the sudden you were involved in a marriage conflict, and you have no idea where the conflict came from.

Conflicts come in all shapes and sizes. My Grandfather held his fork in his left hand, upside down. He was right handed. We all thought he was wrong for doing it. Nobody bothered to ask him about it. It wasn't until many years after his death we found out Grandpa was not wrong; he was from Denmark. That is how they hold their forks in Denmark.

So, what was the conflict? It was the fact nobody bothered to ask Grandpa why he held his fork upside down in his left hand. We just thought Grandpa had bad manners. You could say it was a small conflict. The rest of us were wrong for simply not being more open with Grandpa and asking him about it. I am sure he would have been glad to tell us why.

Other conflicts are much bigger. On Thanksgiving Day, 2004, a family gathered for the traditional turkey dinner. According to the Associated Press, "A man was charged with stabbing two relatives who allegedly criticized his table manners during Thanksgiving dinner."

Apparently, Uncle Frank was unhappy his nephew and brother-in-law criticized him for picking at the turkey with his fingers instead of a knife. Now the Police charged him with assault with attempt to murder. That is what you would call a serious family conflict!

Solving Conflicts is going to take you on a learning adventure. Sometimes, it seems as though many of us are clueless when it comes to understanding the nature of conflict. We don't see it coming. We don't see what we are doing to start it. If we do not know that we are doing something to start it, then how could we possibly find a way to stop it? Moreover, we seldom, if ever, have the ability to predict when the other person is going to start a conflict with us.

This adventure is one where you will learn more about your own character strengths in ways you never thought were possible. It is also one of learning how to spot the character of other people (including your marriage partner) and how to communicate with them about it in productive, non-offensive ways.